I hated my three year old

Welcome to the Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Fall is I LOVE YOU BUT I DON’T ALWAYS LIKE YOU! This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on the concept of loving versus liking our children and their behaviors. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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You hear a lot about the terrible twos. Children who won't listen, who throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way. I think for Attachment Parents, two isn't that hard, mostly because you aren't expecting immediate obedience. When you give your children's wants and needs as much validity as your own, it's easy to work with your two year old.

Three was a different story though. Three, for me, was a nightmare. It didn't matter if I was trying to actively work with her to a solution, Moira wanted that specific thing, right now, no delays. If what she wanted a pink cup, and there were no pink cups to be had, there was no possible solution. She couldn't be distracted, she would never forget, she would not let it go. She also hit me, screamed in my face, pulled my hair, she broke things to get my attention, and then cried for the next three hours about it.
I hated her. I wanted to spend as little time as possible around her. I wanted her to just stop talking.
I am sure that she could tell, though I tried my best not to show how much my skin crawled every time she touched me. I made sure we did special things together, and had time cuddling. But I know she could tell that there was something wrong, and I'm sure that how I was feeling made the whole mess much worse. After all, the obvious way for a 3 year old to get your attention is to climb on you, throw a fit, need inexplicable levels of help and attention, and she only wanted more and more because she didn't feel a strong connection to me.

Then one day, when I was 8 months pregnant with her brother, and we were sitting at library story time, I felt an inexplicable need to sniff her hair. I assume I had a rush of Oxytocin at just the right moment, and it gave me a little bit of that automatic love you have for your sweet baby. Every day since then has been a little bit better. I'm relearning how to laugh with her, and not spend my whole day trying to distract myself with the computer. Every day, I like her more and more.

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Visit Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Taboo Carnival! Enjoy the posts from this month’s Carnival participants!

• How Do You Like Yourself? — Destany at They Are All of Me writes about teaching her children likability.
  
  
• Learning to Like and Love — JeninCanad at Fat and Not Afraid divulges the long journey it's been to learn to love, then like, her son.
  
  
• I hated my three year old — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about how much trouble she had dealing with her 3 year old.
  
  
• Love vs Like: How to Deal With Not Liking Your Kid — Amy at Presence Parenting explores an approach to loving what we dislike the most about our kids.
  
  
• You Can Love Someone and Not Like What They Do — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children reminds herself, just as she reminds her children, that unconditional love is not dependent on liking what a person does.
  
  
• Maternal ambivalence … and why it's ok — Lauren at Hobo Mama discusses how we can't live up to the "maternal ideal" as much as we — and our babies — might want us to.
  
  
• Miracles into Monsters and Back Again — Amy W at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work processes the pain and hidden beauty of a gentle mother's greatest weakness - when little miracles act like little monsters!
  
  
• When Mothers Love But Don’t Like Their Children — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama muses on the deeper meaning behind loving but not liking one's child. She argues that a mother never stops loving or liking her child. In fact, the dislike is rooted in the behavior and not the person.
  
  
• I love her, but... GRR — Jorje of Momma Jorje vents a bit about annoying behavior, but loves her children... even when they drive her nuts!

WW: Davis loves elevators

More sun!

We had one day left in San Diego after we went to the Safari Park. Sadly, we were all a little cranky, and despite our best efforts to have a good time, there was a lot of crying and sniping. My favorite cranky moment of the day was Moira "(singing) I hate Daddy! I only love Mommy and a little bit Davis. (speaking) Daddy, do you want to be Aquaman?" Walker declined, even though he agreed that since we were by the ocean it was likely the only episode that Aquaman was going to be useful in.

The big activity of the day was a trip to Balboa park, which is a big collection of museums. We went to the botanical gardens, and wandered the park looking for something that Moira was interested in. She was hard to please, even in the artist's studio place that looked like this.

Although the artist that decorated eggs did catch her interest for a little, especially since he gave her a candy.

The carousel and mini train were both closed on weekdays, so we finally settled on the Science Museum. I have to say, we don't use our membership to the Pacific Science Center very often, but we use the heck out of it when we are on vacation thanks to the reciprocal agreement with other museums. Assuming we remember to take the card with us.

The Fleet Mueum is the one we've visited that came closest to PacSci in levels of not awesomeness/broken exhibits, and it has a mock NASA command center in it. So you know, PacSci still loses. It's odd to me that they are always talking about the awards they win in the member news letters. Who is giving them awards?

The flight home was much crankier then the flight down, but the kids still did great. We are home for a week, and then it's time for our Thanksgiving pilgrimage.

WW: Safari Park

Linked up at Hobo Mama and NPN.

Notes from the cider tasting

On Sunday, we opened our home so that some friends could host a cider tasting party. There were 13 ciders, and 19 drinkers. We decided to be methodical about it, and actually do a tasting first, and then get drunk on our favorites later. Also, we played with the feature on Google events where phone photos are automatically uploaded. Enjoy our shaky, drunken, phone photos!

My Mom and I with our matching pink cheeks. (Photo credit: Pearl Young)

The really smart part was the suggestion by Kathy that we hire a babysitter to wrangle the kids while we did the tasting. They still came in for snacks and drinks (we had a small selection of non alcoholic ciders for them to taste, the winner was sparkling cider), but they did a great job managing toy disputes and coming up with fun things for the kids to do.
My smart contribution was to use wet erase markers on our glasses so that everyone could find their drink when it had been set down.

Our intrepid note taker and his appropriate shirt. (Photo credit: Pearl Young)

Some people took their own notes, but Alan offered to take general notes for us all. He was wearing an appropriately themed t-shirt for the occasion.  I've transcribed the notes below Alan's handwriting before, so some of these words may be wrong, especially since it gets harder to read the more ciders we drank. My commentary is below the names, in non-bulleted form.

The babysitters had left at this point, so it was a free for all of kids and adults, hanging out.

After the tasting there was a potluck dinner, and games. The people with the youngest kids stayed the longest, so there were some tired babies at the end of the night, but a good time was had by all.

The selection of ciders. The row at the very end next to the plastic cups were the kid's drinks. (Photo credit: Shawn Marier)

Presented in the order we drank them in.
Julian Cherry Bomb

• Too sour
• Not enough cherry
• Suspicious "cherry flavor"
• Tasted like essence of cherry

Anthem Cherry

• Tastes like dried cherries
• Sweet then sour
• Smokiness
• Liked this cherry better
• Sweeter
• Not cranky enough

Westons Olde Rosie Scrumpy
This was one of the least liked ciders.

• Smooth for a scrumpy
• Better with food

Thistly Cross Scottish Cider
This was one of the most liked ciders.

• Very fragrant
• Lots of apple smell
• Sweeter
• Tastes like apple juice
• Alcoholic Martinellis
• Brisk
• Juice

Methow Valley Howling Wolf
This was one of the least liked ciders, we actually thought maybe it was a bad bottle, but all the bottles tasted the same.

• Smells like green apples
• Sour finish
• Like a Reisling
• I could cook with it, but it's not a favorite
• Thought of as blah

Eaglemount Ginger
The group was split on this. Ginger lovers loved it. Ginger neutral/haters didn't.

• Fragrant
• Strong ginger flavor
• Starts sour/bitter, finishes sweet
• Medicinal
• Too gingery
• Mmmm... Me likey

Finnriver Appleblueberry

• More sour then expected
• Balanced
• Dry
• Can taste the blueberry

Alpenfire Spark!

• Nice
• Smooth
• Sweet, but not overpowering
• You get the apple-ness

Snowdrift Pear Wine
Hands down the least favorite. Only one person wanted to drink more than the taste, and a number of people refused to finish their tastes. We also didn't notice it was a wine until after the tasting. No wonder we didn't like it as a cider!

• Unexciting
• Defiitely pear
• Too much banana
• Watered down
• Gritty
• Too allergenic (said by the person allergic to pears)
• Got some berryness with a cloud of sweet peary goodness over it

Sea Cider Prohibition
This was another clear winner, although only by those of us who like rum.

• Like rum
• Not sure about rum taste
• As I got to the bottom, I liked it better

Tieton Apricot

• Tastes like dried apricots
• Bofin good cider (I think Alan was a wee bit tipsy at this point. What I transcribed as cider actually looks like ww.)
• Citrusy
• Faint apricot flavor

Blue Mountain Cranberry

• Really good
• Consistent
• Pearl's favorite
• Tastes like cranberry cocktail

Snowdrift Orchard Select

• Very good
• Nut very fussy
• Just a good cider
• Two thumbs up

Soaking up the sun

We went to California at the beginning of the month for what is most likely the last first-wedding of Walker's friends. I sincerely hope that Rodney and Michelle had as little family related wedding drama as possible. They certainly seemed to have a lovely time.

I apparently didn't even try to get a good picture of both kids all fancied up. Moira found a party dress at the Goodwill that she insisted on wearing. Then the day of she was worried that people would look down the neck of it (it's still a little too big) so Walker and I taught her to say, "Hey! My eyes are up here!" which she immediately changed to, "My nose is up here!" Davis had an adorable little purple suit bought for him by our friend Pearl. He was most dapper.

Here's a better picture of him being held by a very tall Mole. Moira was too busy playing/eating candy/dancing with me/chewing on glow sticks to have her picture taken.
We decided to make the trip a little longer, and head down to San Diego to go to the Safari Park. The 9 day trip, with a the change for daylight savings was a little too much for both kids, but we managed to have fun.

We went to the Discovery Science Center in Orange, on the drive south. They had a hockey section that was really interesting. Actually they had lots of interesting things.

Both kids liked the Bob the Builder area, and did not enjoy the adjacent shuttle launching area.

Walker had the most fun with the pin wall.
I love going to science centers with Walker. He gets so into it, and he can describe what's happening much better than I can.
Because the trip was so long, I insisted on packing the toys, instead of Moira. She got to add things after I was done, but not take anything out. She's going through this weird phase where she insists she only wants to take one thing with her, no matter the length of the trip, or what we are planning on doing.

I need to plan better for the return trip next time, but I did a pretty good job. The big hits of the trip were an original Polly Pocket set (handed down by Pearl), and some mini My Little Ponies. Miniature things seem to be a big hit with Moira lately, and the ponies were big and sturdy enough that Davis could play with them too. We are going on another trip for Thanksgiving, so that's soon enough that I hopefully won't have forgotten what I learned.
I think I'll save the pictures from the Safari Park for another post. This one seems long enough.

Presenting Wind Girl!

Much to my excitement, Moira made up her own superhero this year. Wind Girl! She lives in Wind Town, where the native language is Wind. Her powers are recharged by the wind, and her wand can control weather. She started agitating for a cape a couple of months ago, and so it was easy to convince her that this would be a perfect Halloween costume.

We drew a picture out together, and after a short period where she wanted all the accessories ever worn by any superhero, she settled on the belt, mask, and wand to complete her outfit. I made everything but the shoes, which was really fun for me.

The mask didn't get worn for very long, and the wand got lost while trick or treating, but she had a lot of fun, and was so proud of her costume idea. I was worried that she would be sad once she saw other little girls in princess dresses, but she was perfectly happy.

I failed at getting a picture of both kids together in their costumes. The ones I took inside were blurry, and Davis really wanted to eat the moldy pumpkin when we were outside. This zebra costume was a little too big, but I love how snuggly and cute it is.
Walker took Moira trick or treating at the major Halloween zone near our house. I hope he'll write something about their experience, it sounds epic. Two houses were passing out beer to adults, and three girls were dressed as a polo team on actual ponies. When they got home, Moira announced that the perfect way for her to say goodnight to her candy would be to eat one.
It was a good night.